


Love Not Lovers

by Lost_xoxo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, ChanHun, Eventual Smut, First Meetings, Heavy Angst, Infidelity, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, No it’s not threesome, Secret Affair, Sekai are boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2020-02-16 18:26:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18696883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lost_xoxo/pseuds/Lost_xoxo
Summary: In which Sehun pretends his relationship with his boyfriend is just fine until he meets a stranger at the bar one night.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just before yall start reading let me say that this story obviously revolves around ChanHun but there will be some SeKai content too! In case u have missed out the tags this fic deals with cheating 
> 
>  
> 
> [Song](https://open.spotify.com/track/1IbgYIuVwJsibCcT5GFYHy?si=jhLGSRRfSceyZu080MhL-Q) For this fic.

The place is illuminated by the pendant lights hanging from the ceiling. There are hundreds of conversation flying around loud enough to be heard over the rock music playing in the background. Sehun watches the guy who is crooning into the mic, He doesn’t know the song but it speaks to him in some way.

“So what do _you_ think?”

The words make Sehun break from his trance and shift his gaze away from the stage and turn to Jongin, dark innocent eyes are staring back at him waiting for a reply.

Sehun wasn’t exactly paying attention to anything, and missed out on the question. Picking up on his clueless expression Jongin chuckles softly repeating his question, “I asked what do you think about the _bar_ , do you like it?”

Sehun’s eyes dart back to the stage for a few seconds before he answers, “Yah I like it, thank you for bringing me here” Sehun smiles he isn’t lying not exactly he did like the bar just not the people around _him_.

Jongin leans forward, his lips brushing against Sehun’s ear causing him to shiver slightly, a part of him wants to move away at the closeness but he doesn’t. 

“You don’t have to thank me you know, anything for your happiness” Jongin murmurs and he is so genuine that Sehun feels a pang of guilt because he isn’t _happy_ , but he doesn’t let his boyfriend know that so he just grins back nodding, it’s convincing enough because Jongin returns one of his bright smile and turns back to his friends.

Sehun also joins in on the conversation it’s easier that way to pretend, It’s a dull and lifeless thing. He smiles, nods his head, he laughs at the jokes, he even pecks on Jongin’s lips when he wraps his arm around his waist pulling him closer. Sehun does what is expected of him. Jongin’s friends are a welcoming group and Sehun likes them but he feels like he needs to be alone, to take a breather and to be away from them. 

Sehun glaces over at Jongin who is in deep conversation with his best friend about some sports. He touches Jongin’s shoulder to get his attention. 

“Would you mind if I have drink from the bar?” Sehun asks hesitantly. When he sees the crease forming in Jongin’s forehead he feels like all his pretence has been caught.

”What’s wrong with here? You can call one of the waiter and order?” one of Jongin’s childhood friend suggests. 

”I just prefer to directly order from the bar” Sehun looks at Jongin hoping for him to understand that he needs some space, he isn’t the most social and Jongin knows that. 

“Okay but don’t take too long, I might start missing you” Jongin winks at him, which earns them teasing looks from their friends.

Sehun lets out a sigh of relief before excusing himself from the table. He feels a little bad for leaving Jongin but he brushes aside his thoughts and winds his way through the warm bodies and walks over to the bar, he sits on one of the tall bar stool placed in front of the long sleek wooden counter.

The bartender who takes his order is nice and friendly. The band isn’t playing anymore instead he hears a girl singing some jazz tune now. Sehun taps his fingers on the counter waiting for his drink trying to blend in with the surrounding.

When the bartender serves him his martini Sehun thanks him and then stares into his glass with a sigh before sipping on it. It isn’t made the way he likes it but he doesn’t feel like calling the bartender and complain over a drink. 

After a few minutes someone drops down on the seat beside him and Sehun immediately turns around with a frown to see, to his surprise it is the guy who was singing awhile back. Sehun hadn’t really gotten a chance to see his face before, he is good looking with his hair styled messily, his brown hair matching with the brown colour of his eyes, a slightly crumpled black tshirt askew across his shoulder showing off his collarbone.

“Hello” the guy offers an amicable smile. Sehun realises he has been staring at him longer than he should have and he immediately averts his eyes in embarrassment, almost feeling the heat creeping up his face.

Sehun quickly picks up his drink and takes a sip, just to hide his _blush_ behind the cocktail glass.

The alcohol kind of helps his mind to get back into sense, “You are the singer? I mean you were singing in that band” he stutters through his words. His brain to mouth function failing him. 

“Yah I am _that_ guy” He replies with a smile, then he casually leans on the counter eyes still on Sehun like he knows him from a long time, “Did you like the songs?”

“Yes I liked them a lot specially the last one, that was really great” 

“Well thank you I actually wrote that one” he says proudly with a smile that kinda lights up his face making his eyes crinkle, and his eyes are so soft under the bar lights. 

Sehun fails to understand why but his heart _flutters_ just a little. 

“Do you write all the songs you perform?” Sehun asks out of curiousity placing his now empty glass directly on the counter forgetting the coaster.

The guy runs his fingers through his hair, messing it up even more, then turning his attention back to Sehun - he shakes his head, “No not all, the bassist of our band he mostly writes plus we also do covers...but some nights I perform my own songs”

Sehun gives a small nod, fingers tracing along the ridge of the wooden counter absentmindedly not knowing what to say. 

“You are new to this bar aren’t _you_? Because I am pretty sure I would remember your face if I had seen you before “ 

Sehun looks up, a little shocked from the blatant confession.

“Yah first time, I have to admit I like this place” Sehun’s eyes move along the Victorian era themed decor of the bar. It has a classy and vintage feeling to it.

“This is a great place indeed also they have the best _music_ or that’s what I have been told” His face breaks into a smile and Sehun can’t help but smile back, it is silly, really yet he _likes_ it. 

“You look like you need a drink” the guy insists and before Sehun has a chance to say anything he is already waving to the bartender gesturing him to come over.  

“I will have the regular but two, and hurry up will you?” from the tone of his voice it is evident that he is close to the bartender, the server nods his head and throws a smirk before going to another customer.

“What is regular?” Sehun asks curiously when the bartender is out of their sight.

“You will see” probably noticing the hesitation on Sehun’s face, he adds with chuckle “It’s nothing too scary I promise” 

Just the thought of him about to have a drink with a guy whose name he doesn’t  know, this isn’t the kind of situation he had expected when he came to the bar then again he had absolutely no expectation from this evening the moment he had stepped in with Jongin. 

“How can I trust you when I don’t even know your name” 

“Chanyeol” he sticks his hand out for Sehun who takes it by giving his own name, it’s an awkward handshake, their hold lingers for a couple of seconds before they retreat their hands away.

By the time there are two glasses of dark liquid placed in front of them, Sehun picks up the glass and sniffs it before taking a small hesitant sip all the while Chanyeol watches him with an amused look.

“This...this is rum and coke” Sehun eyes Chanyeol with a frown.

“Yes it is just 2 ounces of Rum, 4 ounces of coke with a dash of lemon - just the way I like it” Chanyeol clinks his glass with Sehun’s. 

“It’s just that am not used to drinking rum”

“Don’t worry you are with me now you will get the hang of it” Chanyeol gives a disarming smile and Sehun can’t help but wonder what it would like to be with _him_. 

But Sehun shakes this thoughts away and slowly sips on his drink, while Chanyeol keeps up a steady stream of random conversation about music and the bar and things in general it’s meaningless yet Sehun doesn’t mind. He isn’t much of a talker but somehow Chanyeol is easy to talk to. Sehun realises he doesn’t need to put an effort words flow easily out of his mouth.

Sehun comes to know that Chanyeol performs with his band on fridays and the weekends in the bar, he also does gigs in different places other than having a day job. Sehun also talks about a little about himself and his work, Chanyeol listens to him with interest even though Sehun feels like he has nothing exciting to offer - his life is _boring_ and very _routine_ like.

After another two round of drinks, Sehun suddenly realises it’s been more than an hour that he is sitting here. He takes out his mobile from his pocket and instantly cringes at the sight of 3 missed calls from Jongin. 

“Is everything all right? You seem tensed?” Chanyeol asks in a serious tone, his forehead creasing slightly. 

“Yes...it’s nothing” Sehun shakes his hand dismissively, then he gives an awkward smile “I have to go, my boyfriend and his friends are waiting for me”

Chanyeol’s eyebrow raises in what Sehun thinks might be confusion or surprise, he can’t tell. He runs his tongue over his lips, “Oh well then let’s not keep your boyfriend waiting anymore” he chuckles but it sounds forced or maybe Sehun is reading into it too much he doesn’t even know him.

There is an uneasy silence between them and Sehun hates it, so he quickly changes the topic, “Can you ask for the bill?”

Chanyeol shakes his head, “No need of that, I get free drinks here one of the perks of playing gigs and being friends with the bartender” he gives a casual shrug.

Sehun climbs out of his seat and at once feels the buzzing in his head. He stops moving closing his eyes and waits for the dizziness to fade. 

“Are you okay?” Chanyeol steps a little closer and his fingers brush along his wrist gently, leaving tingles where he touches his skin Sehun opens his eyes and nods his head. Maybe it’s the rush of the alcohol that Sehun feels bold, he catches hold of the other’s hand  in his own. Chanyeol’s finger tips are slightly calloused from playing guitar and they are rough against his own soft ones. 

Their gaze lock for a moment and they don’t say anything, Sehun doesn’t want to go and yet he can’t stay and possibly have Jongin end up coming to the bar looking for him. 

“I should go” Sehun mumbles letting go of Chanyeol’s hand. But he doesn’t even take one step forward.

“I hope I can see you again” Chanyeol moves away making way for Sehun to go. 

Sehun manages a small smile before walking out. The crowd has increased with the night he makes his way through the barrel of drunk people dancing and finally when he reaches the sitting area, Sehun heaves a tired sigh before stepping towards the round table.

Jongin immediately stands up seeing him, looking distraught “What took you so long? I called you so many times I was getting worried”

“It’s a bar Jongin, I wouldn’t get lost would I?”

Sehun at once regrets his choice of words because Jongin’s expression ashens, even his friends stop talking and look at both of them questioningly. 

Jongin obviously recovers with a smile, “I know but you weren’t picking my calls, and it’s been a while since you were gone”

Sehun settles down on the empty seat beside Jongin, he responds with an apologetic smile “I am sorry I shouldn’t have kept you waiting, there were too many people in the bar took a while to get my drink” he lies and Jongin believes or atleast he pretends his does because Jongin’s  fingers are reaching out to intertwine with his.

 “I missed you” Jongin whispers into Sehun’s ear.

“I missed you too” Sehun whispers back even though his mind keeps wandering to the clandestine touches that linger in his skin like the bittersweet taste of the rum in the back of his throat. 

His eyelids start to grow heavy with sleep and the rest of the night Sehun only remembers in moments of Jongin trying to get him to eat something, then taking him to the car and driving him back to his house.

Sehun can vaguely recall Jongin pressing a kiss to his lips with a whispered  _I_ _love_ _you_ before he drifts off.

                                    •••

Sehun has known Jongin since his childhood and has practically grown up with him. When Jongin had finally proposed him in college in front of the whole class it was so unexpected that Sehun had taken a moment to understand what was going on. All curious eyes were on him waiting eagerly for his answer specially Jongin who looked like a nervous wreck. Sehun wasn’t sure that he was in love with his best friend but he had accepted his proposal anyway because he couldn’t possibly hurt Jongin. 

It is the kind of relationship where Jongin always knew what Sehun needed, said what Sehun wanted to hear, he has been sweet and understanding all along. Sehun didn’t even notice when things became so predictabe, loosing the spark they once had. 

But still Sehun has never wanted anything to change between them, not until he met _him_. 

When the next day Sehun finds himself in the back area of bar he takes a deep breath and reasons with himself that maybe this visit will clear the confusing and distracting thoughts he has been experiencing since last night. 

Sehun’s nerves keep growing by the second as he watches Chanyeol talking to one of his bandmates. Sehun guesses their performance has probably ended just now because Chanyeol is still carrying his guitar, he looks happy there is a smile on his face and Sehun somehow feels slightly out of place

When Chanyeol finally notices Sehun waiting he looks surprised,unslinging his guitar he hands it to the other guy and says something which Sehun cant’ really hear. Chanyeol walks up to him eyebrows raised like he didn’t expect Sehun to be _here_.

Well neither did Sehun but he is standing in front of the man who had somehow managed to affect him so much that he can’t seem to get him out of his head. 

“Sehun, how did you get in the back area?” Chanyeol enquires in confusion. 

Sehun licks his lips nervously, “The bartender from yesterday he let me in, I said am your friend” 

 “Well my _friend_  I didn’t think Il see you today” Chanyeol teases Sehun flashing a cheeky grin.  

Chanyeol is dressed just like yesterday in an oversized tshirt and ripped jeans, Sehun’s eyes fixate on the tattoo on his hand - he is everything Sehun has never thought he will be attracted to but right now he wants _him_ more than anything. 

That moment Sehun knows why he is _here_ , he had felt a _connection_ something that he hasn’t been able to feel with someone in a long time. As cliched as sound but he feels like a moth drawn to the light waiting to burn himself. 

“I came to see you” Sehun admits unabashedly. 

Sehun dosent wait any longer afraid that he will change his mind, he takes a few steps forward until he is standing so close to the other that he can see the tiny beads of sweat on his forehead under the dimly lit area. He knows he is acting on his instincts and even without a drop of alcohol in his system he feel slightly _dizzy_.

Sehun leans in and clutches onto the thin material of Chanyeol’s shirt pulling him closer until there is no gap between them, Chanyeol’s lips are warm and tastes like smoke and Sehun’s heart beats loudly in his chest with anticipation. he almost waits for Chanyeol to get angry, to push him away. 

The thoughts die down as soon as Chanyeol responds kissing him back, hands reaching out to hold Sehun’s by his waist. It is nothing like the sweet measured kisses that he shares with  Jongin that taste like safety instead the kiss hits him with a rush of adrenaline making his toes curl and it tastes sinful. 

“I-i have never...done _this_ before” Sehun murmurs huskily when he pulls away. 

Chanyeol eyes Sehun with an amused and indulgent look “You have never kissed ?

“No kissed someone else other than..my boyfriend”

Sehun swallows a lump in his throat and licks his lips, he knows this sounds  _wrong_. He shouldn’t be here right now. 

“Then why are you here, why are you kissing me?” Chanyeol demands roughly his hold on Sehun’s waist tightens.

Sehun tries to come up with a suitable answer but he has lost all coherence, all right and wrongs. 

“I don’t know” Sehun simply admits closing his eyes. He just knows there is an urge to be with him, run his fingers over the other’s skin, kiss him until they are breathless. 

And the next thing he knows his back is hitting against the coarse wall, this time Chanyeol initiates, kissing him _hard_ , his tongue sweeping into Sehun’s mouth, _teasing_ him, _coaxing_ him. Sehun’s fingers desperately find its way into Chanyeol’s hair, the moans escaping his own mouth would have surprised him if his mind wasn’t too occupied with _want_ to notice.

Sehun hasn’t been _kissed_ like this ever and he doesn’t want it to end. 

Their foreheads are pressed together and Sehun feels the hot breath on his face. 

“Do you want to come over to _mine_?” The tantalising words are murmured against Sehun’s ear, he knows that he if agrees he will cross the line and Jongin’s face momentarily flashes over his eyes. Sehun bites down on his lips hard enough that hoping it would hurt himself. 

Getting no reply, Chanyeol takes a step back so he can see Sehun’s face. He looks down at Sehun with a small frown “You don’t have to if you don’t want to” there is a little disappointment in his voice that doesn’t go unnoticed by Sehun and he looks up, glancing at those burning eyes boring down on him, Sehun nods his head. 

“I _want_ to” 

Because he does, the feeling is all too overwhelming and clogs all his _rational_ senses even if there is no going back from the mistakes he is about to make. 

                                    •••


	2. Chapter 2

The moment they step inside the apartment and the door swings close, Chanyeol has Sehun pinned to the wall and his fingers quickly undoing the buttons of Sehun’s coat  his lips never leaving Sehun’s mouth, like he can’t get enough of him and Sehun feels the aching burn inside of him. 

When they pull back Sehun’s coat is on the floor - it’s an expensive piece of clothing but right now the earth could shatter in half and Sehun could care less let alone worry about his coat.

Chanyeol takes in the sight of Sehun’s slightly flushed face, his raven hair completely disheveled and lips red and swollen from the hungry kisses. 

“Sehun” he calls out his name. Sehun looks up through his lashes, he mentally notes that he loves how his name rolls in the other’s tongue. 

“I am glad you came by to see me today because I wasn’t sure I would see you again ever after yesterday” 

The simple yet blunt confession stirs Sehun’s heart more than he wants to admit. 

“I had to see you” 

Chanyeol’s fingers slide down from his waist to his ass, kneading the supple flesh through his trouser causing Sehun to take a sharp intake of breath licking his lips. He can only think how his hands would feel on him, _skin_ _to_ _skin_. 

“God, you are gorgeous and not to mention the way you keep licking your lips...it’s very distracting”

The words make Sehun shiver just a little. 

“So..are you just going to keep talking or do something...?” Sehun trails off with a sheepish smile. 

Chanyeol quirks his brow letting out a chuckle, then he takes Sehun’s lips in his own and he bites down on his bottom lip drawing a whimper from him. 

“Impatient are we? Well lucky for you, I love a challenge” 

 _Its_ _tempting_ _beyond_ _words_. 

They barely make it to the bedroom, Chanyeol’s all over his body their clothes come off so quickly. Chanyeol almost ripping them off Sehun. He complains in annoyance about the buttons of Sehun’s shirt being a hindrance and slowing them down. 

When they are naked it’s all too much, Sehun doesn’t know where to look at and where to touch but Chanyeol is already kissing him and backing him away till his legs touch the edge of the bed and then he pushes him down on the mattress. 

The bedsheet is cold against Sehun’s skin. His heartbeats spikes up and his hips buckle up with the feeling of warm wet mouth around him, Chanyeol’s hands digging into his thigh. Sehun’s eyes flutter shut as he grabs a handful of the sheet keeping himself steady. 

The dull feeling of betrayal fades away when Chanyeol looks at him, eyes so impossibly dark and lustful that Sehun can barely hold the urge to taste him. He pulls him down for a sloppy kiss. Sehun brings his legs up and wraps around Chanyeol’s waist anchoring himself. 

Soon Chanyeol’s long fingers are curling inside of him, Sehun finds it hard to breath - his stomach quivers, muscles tightening. 

“Fuck me...fuck me _please_ ” he chants going on the edge, it’s desperate almost filthy but he doesn’t care. 

Chanyeol is thrusting into him, it’s slow, measured and Sehun’s mind is filled with nothing but pleasure all the cohesive thoughts somehow managed to get lost. 

The moans that come out of Sehun’s mouth are lewd but he doesn’t hold back, his fingers are running all over Chanyeol’s muscular back, he watches him through heavy lidded eyes. Chanyeol’s parted lips are glistening his forehead scrunched up in determination, his body is bathed in the moonlight flowing from the window and Sehun wants to remember this - because he looks beautiful. 

Sehun’s hand reach out to touch his face, the moment he realises that right now nothing matters more than this, the feeling maybe short lived but it’s _intoxicating_ and Sehun _loves_ it. 

With a few snaps of his hips they reach their climax almost together, Chanyeol groans and mutters a string of curses but Sehun can barely hear him over the intense pleasure of the orgasm knocking him out of his senses. 

Sehun can almost see the stars bursting behind his eyelids blurring his vision.

“This was...this was amazing” Chanyeol murmurs voice hoarse.  

Still reeling from the headiness Sehun blinks a few times “ _Kiss_ _me_ ” he demands, it comes off needy and weak, Chanyeol’s lips curve into a lazy smile before he latches his mouth on his kissing him languidly. 

                               

Next morning the sunlight streaming through the window wakes Sehun up, he opens his eyes slowly adjusting to the light.

It takes him a few seconds to understand where he is, it’s not the familiar sight of the baby blue painted walls of his bedroom. He touches the arm draped over his stomach, Sehun lifts his head to get a good look at him.

Chanyeol’s face is pressed on his pillow his hair messily falling over his eyes Sehun’s fingers almost itch to remove the stray hairs off but he doesn’t afraid that he will wake him up. Instead his gaze moves down to his body, the bedsheet covering only the lower half of him. 

“What are _you_ doing?” Chanyeol asks groggily.

Sehun immediately looks up at him slightly embarrassed, he shakes his head “nothing” 

“Where you watching me sleep? Well that’s not creepy at all” Chanyeol teases him and Sehun feels his face becoming scarlet. He tries to roll out of the bed but Chanyeol is faster he grabs his waist and pulls him down. Chanyeol climbs on top of him. 

“Why are you being shy all of a sudden? Do you remember how loud you were last night, my neighbors probably heard you too” 

Sehun instantly throws an arm over his  eyes and turns his face away refusing to look at him. He feels like he could die in embarrassment at the very moment. 

Chanyeol laughs, he holds Sehun’s wrist and tugs his arm away. But Sehun doesn’t open his eyes,“Look at _me_?” Chanyeol demands - voice so husky and soft that Sehun can’t help but comply. 

Sehun meets his stare, his eyes reflect back the sunlight and his gaze is so much softer and warmer than last night, Chanyeol dips his head down and peppers Sehun’s neck with kisses - even his touch is gentle and Sehun feels loved, almost. 

“Stop making fun of him” Sehun’s voice wavers a little when Chanyeol nips on his collarbone. “Sorry” he apologises but gives a sly smile looking up, not even the slightest ashamed. Sehun shakes his head and mirrors a smile himself wrapping his hands around his neck. 

“Okay I won’t make fun of you but we could make something else you know”

“For someone who claims to write songs you are pretty cheesy” Sehun scoffs rolling his eyes. 

“I know and you _like_ it” 

With that Sehun looses himself all over again in the haze of long tangled limbs, white bedsheets and pleasured groans.

                                 ***

This is third time in a row that he has spent his night at Chanyeol’s apartment since Jongin has left the city for conference. In the shortest of days that they have spent together Sehun feels like he has known Chanyeol for a long time. Even though there are still so much to tell, so much to share but that’s okay Sehun doesn’t mind he enjoys the slow, lazy pace of whatever nameless relationship they have. 

Sehun’s phone starts ringing, He disengages himself off Chanyeol’s hold and sleepily fumbles through the contents on the bedside table to find his phone. 

“Can you switch it off?” Chanyeol groans at the sound of the ringtone. 

Sehun mouths a sorry and immediately freezes when he looks at the caller ID. 

Chanyeol lifts his head up and finds Sehun staring at his phone blankly, he furrows his eyebrows “Are you going to take the call or not” 

Sehun nods his head and swipes the caller button, “Hello” 

Chanyeol opens his mouth to say something but Sehun has his index finger pressing on his lips gesturing him to keep quiet. 

“Jongin did you land in Seoul already?” 

The name has Chanyeol sit up, he is looking at Sehun curiously. 

“....”

Sehun tenses at something then he says, “Sorry I forgot to call you, I slept through the alarm had a bit of a late night yesterday” 

“...”

Chanyeol notices whatever Jongin is saying in the other end has Sehun slowly relaxing,he gives a small smile humming, “Yah Il be home, you can come over....can’t wait to see you” 

As the words leave his mouth Sehun’s eyes automatically dart towards Chanyeol who is staring back at him with a dulled expression. 

After a few seconds when Jongin finally says that he needs to get to his car and that he will talk to him latter Sehun bids him a goodbye.

Before Sehun can end the call something has him pause a few seconds then he uneasily glances over Chanyeol and replies “I love you too” it sounds almost mechanical and Sehun feels the guilt washing over him even more so when Chanyeol looks away and chooses to stare at the wall. 

Disconnecting the phone he throws it on the bed carelessly and chews on his lip gathering his thoughts not knowing what to say. 

“I knew he was coming back from his trip today but I forgot the exact time he was supposed to land here,I feel really bad but he didn’t mind he knows I can be forgetful” Sehun explains, he isn’t sure if there is a need but he does anyway. 

“He sounds nice” Chanyeol states flatly. 

Sehun winces at his tone, he brings his knees to his chest, “I am sorry” 

Chanyeol turns to him, “Why are you apologising?” 

“I am sorry because I know this is wrong, I know” Sehun says quietly then he asks “Do you judge me?” his voice sounds small and unsure. He holds his breath waiting for Chanyeol to respond to him. 

“Sehun if you are asking me that I think you are a bad person then no, I don’t. Am no one to judge you. If you are at fault then so am I” Chanyeol purses his lips, then he adds with a smile “I like you...does that make me selfish?” 

The question surprises Sehun, it takes a few seconds for all the words to sink in when it does his heart flutters at the realisation that Chanyeol likes him and the conflicting thoughts niggling in his mind slowly vanishes. 

Chanyeol stretches his hands out and envelopes around Sehun pulling him closer. Sehun gives a shaky smile and takes a lingering look at him. 

“I like _you_..I don’t think I have ever felt this way for anyone before” he whispers between fleeting kisses that taste like secrets and wordless promises. 

                                ***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay maybe I need to say this. I do not condone cheating but people make mistakes and sometimes they fall out of love too, but it does in no mean it’s okay to betray someone. If yall have read my other fics u guys will know that I have characters who are flawed and not morally upright bcz for me it’s more realistic.
> 
> Anyway end of talk. there will be more Jongin in the next chapter which probably will be the last one :P


	3. Chapter 3

Sehun shuts his eyes tightly when he hears the knob of the bathroom door turn, he is standing under the shower his back against the door but he knows it’s Jongin. He is the only person who has keys to his apartment something they both had agreed on to have each other’s house keys, it felt intimate at that moment.

  
Sehun dosent move when he hears Jongin taking his clothes off, soon there are a pair of hands enclosing him.

  
“Hey you” Jongin murmurs pressing kisses on Sehun’s shoulder “I missed you so much”

  
“Me too” Sehun replies distractedly all the while thinking if he has any visible marks or love bites on his body from last night.

  
Jongin’s warm hands are on his waist turning him around. When they are face to face Jongin is staring at him and Sehun feels more naked under his gaze than he already is.

  
“I know it’s just three days but it felt so long and dull without you” Jongin muses with a soft smile, the one that used to make Sehun’s heart flutter.

  
Sehun watches how the water runs over Jongin’s skin like a caress The water drips down his hair slowly making their way to his body and perfect abs. Sehun tears his gaze away. 

  
“Did the conference go well?” 

Jongin doesn’t reply but he surprises Sehun by kissing him, it’s nothing like the soft feathery kisses that they usually share, this is heated and insistent.

  
Sehun wants to break away from Jongin’s hold and admit that he has cheated on him, that he has had sex with someone he met in the bar several time while he was gone. He wants to choke out an apology.

  
But he doesn’t.

  
Instead he kisses him back, letting Jongin touch him, tease him, Jongin knows him so well, he knows all of him and yet it isn’t enough. Jongin has always been his safety and comfort.

Loving Jongin was easy but falling in love with Chanyeol is easier.

  
Sehun’s back is pressed against the cold tiled wall, Jongin is running his tongue down his chest licking off the tiny droplets of water, Sehun shivers a little. Jongin’s hand rests at the nape of Sehun’s neck, tilting his face upward.

  
“Sehun can I ask you something?”

  
Sehun nods his head waiting for him to go on.  
“Do you still love me?” Jongin asks, voice earnest yet despondent, his amber eyes ablaze yet so innocent.

  
A question Sehun never thought Jongin to ask him, he was so used to being in the receiving end of Jongin’s love that he had never bothered to know Jongin actually felt about him.

  
”Why would you say that?”

  
Jongin’s lips twist in a sad smile, “I don’t know it’s just feels that we have grown distant with time, Did I do something wrong?”

Sehun shakes his head, he hates that Jongin thinks it’s his fault but the words it’s not you it’s me don’t come out of his mouth instead they die down on his lips. Sehun places his palms on Jongin’s cheeks and pulls him closer and kisses him deeply. Hoping that Jongin would understand.

“I love you “ Jongin smiles into Sehun’s lips.

“I love you too” Sehun assures him hoping that the low hum of the drizzling shower will mask the wavering lie in his tone.

                                ***

  
Pretty soon it become so much more than just stolen kisses in the back area of the bar in between Chanyeol’s band performance and sex at his apartment to them actually spending time huddled up in the couch having meaningless conversations or even going for drives to places away from the city so no one Sehun knew will be able to see them.

Sehun is aware that this secret relationship won’t last forever ; hence he wants to savour every moment that they can get. The feeling is all consuming and even overwhelming. Maybe that’s how falling in _Love_ feels like. He has never experienced this intensity because what he has with Jongin is convincing himself to love him because it fails to come naturally.

                               ***

 **Meet** **me** ?

Sehun’s lips automatically curl into a smile reading the text, just two words from Chanyeol has the power to change his mood.

Quickly typing a reply he pockets his phone. Sehun can’t wait for his shift to get over so he can leave office and be with him. 

 

“Don’t you have be at the bar today?” Sehun asks entering Chanyeol’s apartment. It is a Friday evening and Chanyeol’s band does live performance, and it always reminds Sehun of the very first time they met, it was a few months ago yet it seems like a long time.

  
He has spent so many nights here that it felt more like home to him than his own apartment.

  
“No...the bar is closed this week for some renovations” Chanyeol answers taking one cigarette out of the package, he puts it in his mouth, lighting the tip on fire with a flick of his wrist.

  
They both are sitting on the couch, Sehun gives a playful nudge on Chanyeol arm “Is that why you asked me to come over, because you have nothing to do?”

  
Chanyeol just blows out puffs of smoke, “That’s not why Sehun” he says blankly. 

  
Sehun lifts his leg and places it between the other’s thighs, “Is something wrong?” 

  
Chanyeol just shakes his head in reply and gives a Sehun a small smile, but doesn’t  touch him or pull him closer like he usually does and Sehun knows something is wrong, but he doesn’t want to push Chanyeol. 

  
Instead Sehun takes his hand in his own and intertwines their fingers, he shifts towards the other pouting, “Then why haven’t you kissed me yet?” 

  
Chanyeol stares at him for a few seconds and crushes the glowing stick in the ashtray, he turns to his side so he can see Sehun, with his other free hand he cups Sehun’s face and kisses him. The taste of the smoke is bitter and heavy in his tongue and Sehun isn’t exactly a fan of it yet he kisses back feverishly.

But Chanyeol pulls away too fast leaving Sehun wanting for more.

  
“Chanyeol” Sehun whines fingers curling in to the fabric of Chanyeol’s tshrt, he tugs onto it motioning for him to come closer and finish where he left off.

  
Chanyeol sighs and gazes at their fingers still wrapped around each other’s. He presses onto Sehun’s palm and let’s go of the hold. 

  
“I am leaving”

  
Sehun’s heart _stops_.

  
“What do you mean? Leaving?”

  
“I am leaving Seoul” Chanyeol replies “I am going to Beijing”

  
“Why?

  
Chanyeol tears his eyes away from Sehun’s distraught face, and focuses on the white wall instead.

“I told you, my brother has been asking me to join the family business, well I finally decided. It will give me more time to focus on my music too” Chanyeol explains. 

  
“What about your band here?” Sehun dosent know why he feels concerned. 

  
“They know” Chanyeol admits standing up and walks over to the only window in the living room. 

  
“What about _us_?” Sehun asks, his voice almost close to cracking.

  
Chanyeol turns around, he gives a lifeless chuckle repeating “Yes, what _about_ us?”

Sehun’s stomach churns and he feels sick. He blinks away the tears that are on the verge of falling down.

Chanyeol heaves a tired sigh, he leans back on the wall and gazes at Sehun, “There is no _us_ , there never was. A few nights together and some escapades doesn’t mean we were in a relationship. You already have a boyfriend”

Each and every words leaving Chanyeol’s mouth stab Sehun like a knife. He couldn’t deny any of it because it was true. He was a fool who kept thinking that they had something.

“You said you like me?” Sehun’s tone is surprisingly calm now even when his mind and heart is in a turmoil.

“ I do...I like you, but I can’t stay here, it doesn’t feel right...not anymore” there is a lingering sadness in his voice that causes Sehun to look up.

They stare at each other in silence for a few minutes, though Sehun can barely think  
anything.

“Am sorry if it wasn’t supposed to end like this....” Chanyeol’s words sound almost like an apology, but Sehun doesn’t want to hear that. He wants Chanyeol to tell him to leave Jongin and to go with him, for once to admit that he too is in love with Sehun. 

Sehun slowly rises from the couch with unsteady legs and steps in front of Chanyeol.

“You are right, it’s better this way. I don’t know what had gotten into me, we obviously can’t be together and I can’t possibly leave Jongin” it’s a miracle that he gets out all the words without breaking apart. Sehun tastes the bitterness of the lies in his mouth. 

There is something akin to hurt that flashes over Chanyeol’s face. It doesn’t go unnoticed by Sehun even if it’s for a second before Chanyeol nods in understanding and returns a small all too forced smile. 

“Sehun”? Chanyeol says “Will you let me hold you once?” 

Sehun knows this is a goodbye, a parting gift so he just nods his head and Chanyeol wraps his arms around him. Sehun closes his eyes and rests his head on his chest.

Oh how he is going to _miss_  him. 

Chanyeol holds him close as if he has a right to even just for a little while.

It’s all too much and Sehun pulls away gradually. “I should go,” he says quietly. 

“Yah, take care and don’t just agree to drink with strangers you meet at the bar” Chanyeol flashes a grin. Sehun knows this is the last time he is seeing that smile and it hurts him even more. 

”Dont worry I won’t make the same mistake twice, anyway best of luck for Beijing. Bye ” Sehun replies icily, yet his throat is choking with tears that he refuses to show infront of him.

Chanyeol opens his mouth to say something but there is nothing for him to say.

Sighing Sehun turns around and walks to the front door with heavy steps. A part of him still hoping for Chanyeol to fight for him, stop him from leaving but he _doesn’t_. He lets Sehun slip away from his life.

Sehun realises how he easily and effortlessly he lost him, or maybe Chanyeol was never his to begin with. 

 

Sehun isn’t sure how he manages to drive himself to Jongin’s place when every part of his body aches and and he feels like he would throw up. Sehun raps on the door and waits for him to open, it’s almost midnight. 

Its takes a few more press of the door bell when Jongin opens the door, he rubs his eyes tiredly looking confused “Sehun? What are you doing here at this hour?” 

His wide eyes frantically moving across Sehun’s face with worry. Immediately Sehun knows that Jongin is his only solace. 

Sehun’s resolve crumbles and he finally gives in between choked sobs and tears stumbling forward, he throws his arms around Jongin. Who quickly catches him before he falls down. 

“Why are you crying? What is it?” Jongin’s asks voice laced with concern. 

“I am sorry...I am so sorry” Sehun’s words muffle by the fabric of Jongin’s shirt and he keeps stroking down Sehun’s back. 

Sehun is sorry for Jongin but he feels even more sorry for himself. 

Sehun lets his tears flow uncontrollably, his shoulder shakes with each raking emotion mixed with heart ache, guilt and regret. 

But for once Sehun doesn’t want this moment to end when Jongin is holding him so close and repeatedly saying how everything will be alright and that he loves Sehun, softly against his hair - because Sehun is selfish and he needs Jongin to comfort him, to mend his broken heart, to dull away the pain and make him feel loved again even if he won’t be able to _love_  Jongin back. 

                               ***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know the ending is like this - I got carried away with the angst so I made them suffer :/ Do yall think they deserve an alternate ending ?

**Author's Note:**

> Bcz I have been wanting to write a fic on cheating and secret relationship :P Let me know what yall think Il upate the next chapter soon !


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